If you’re wondering how I’ve been dealing with the stuff that has recently landed up in my lap (decision to adopt) then my answer is: tapping! And praying!
The whole issue is pretty much not really there anymore because in questioning my maid if her daughter is still serious about giving us the baby, it turns out that the offer is probably not on the table anymore. However, I really did feel the need to deal with the problem as it had brought up a lot all at once, like a rollercoaster, for us. Furthermore the aftermath lingers in my marriage.. (isn’t infertility tough on a marriage.. in a thousand different ways…?)
I went to my EFT trainer, Laurie, to tap on this problem. (If you don’t know anything about tapping or EFT, go to http://healwithheather.com/eft.htm and also eftuniverse.com) (Basically, it is like counselling, but you tap on certain meridian points and say self-accepting and affirming statements).
I went to Laurie all confused and mixed up and I came out a lot clearer. And also a feeling of being listened to and affirmed, and that it was ok to be feeling what I was feeling. I had been feeling so bad and so guilty for not wanting to adopt a black child (How can I be such a racist?) that I was ignoring my underlying inner wisdom: that my own prejudice would be picked up by the child and the feeling of not being wanted, different or judged is not what I wanted to give the child.
Laurie used the Movie Technique and asked me if this whole scenario was a movie – what would I call it? I said “I have to rescue this kid!” We immediately worked on this assumption – that I “have” to do this. We worked on how I needed to please everyone (either decision I felt was going to displease certain people) besides myself. I think this whole need for approval is a big issue for me that I keep needing to cherish myself and my own opinions rather than that of others.
So as an example of the setup statements.. “Even though I have to rescue this kid, I deeply and completely love and accept myself”, “Even though I have to please everyone, and my opinion doesn’t matter..”, “Even though I’m ignoring my gut to make other people happy..”
We chatted about my hubby and how we are at opposite ends of the Enneogram (he is an 8, and I am a 4). (If you don’t know about the Enneogram, read my articles at my articles page here ). Brett is “The Boss” – he likes to be in charge and feels feathers for other people’s opinions. That’s why he doesn’t care what people may think about this whole issue. Whereas I am super sensitive to what other people think.
So we tapped on some of the patterns that exist between us, including how he likes to tease me, and how my own reactions could be different.
A week later I decided to finally get Sarah Holland’s “Overcoming Infertilty with EFT” which is an EBook with a load of possible scripts of our conception blocks. (Sweet Sarah keeps giving me discounts until I can’t say no!) I haven’t gotten yet to tapping on all of them, nor the three free bonus teleclasses on EFT basics, jealousy and working on physical or other issues/ reasons for infertility. What I have been doing is working on “Demolish Conception Blocks” emails that she has been sending, and it’s actually been good to list and tap on various issues. For instance, one of her mails is about working on childhood issues. This is something Laurie also suggested: to get a photo of myself as a kid and work on stuff that happened relating to parenthood. I actually forgot about this graphic video my mom showed us on childbirth, which was useful to tap on, and a childhood game with a friend where I decided not to be pregnant just to make her mad!
So it has been a real eye-opener..
Something else Laurie said was I need to open myself wider to more options, and not be forced into a quick decision now (which is what this was). She talked about friends of hers that adopted white kids from Russia..
Well going back to Plan A about conceiving naturally.. I’d rather try that first..
Through tapping through Sarah’s emails I’ve become hopeful again. I’ve also realized the importance of prayer again. I spent some time last night just praying for us as a couple, our health and well-being. My faith is coming back slowly.
I have really got to get back into EFT-it has definitely helped me in the near past!
Good to hear it!
How interesting – I’ve just been introduced to tapping but I don’t know a great deal about it yet. It’s amazing that it can be helpful for such a diverse range of things… and yet in the end much of it does boil down to learning self-acceptance and understanding. Thank you for writing about this!
(via ICLW, #102)