Hello bleeps!
I just thought I would share with you some of the choice comments I’ve gotten this week in the midst of our dilemma of cross-culturally adopting a child.
Top of my list is my dearest sms (texting) friend.
Some positive start: “He could become your own child… and you could have lots of fun together. And lots of challenges..” She also mentioned about the grandmother (maid) being involved in the child’s life which could be confusing for the child.
Then, after I expressed some doubts and concerns about the race issue, she started with the weird stuff..
“There close to Vereeniging is a smallholding full of poor white people living in shacks. Maybe you could find a white baby there that needs a family!.. I would do it.”
Holy Moly. This had me hooting with laughter. Brett and I joke about taking kids off the street or wishing there was an aisle in the supermarket where you can just take a baby. But seriously..
Just picture it. I get in my car, drive to Vereeniging, find this place and pull up to a “shack”.
“Hello. I’m looking for a baby. Feel like giving me one?”
Oh my gosh…
We had more sms chats “Don’t do it if it’s not what you want. If it is, do it” was valuable but this one was the one that really made me think she’d gone crazy…
“But how about your sis carrying a child for you?”
I hardly hear much from my sister. I know that sounds bad and some people are close to their siblings, but I rely more on my friends. I still love her lots, but we don’t have a lot of contact with her. She lives in Seattle USA, and I am here in SA. Carrying a surrogate child would involve a similar expense as a fertility treatment (and I’d rather do that to myself, thanks) plus the airfare etc to get there. That’s if she would even do it.
I think the moral of this story is: people are desperate to help and give you solutions. They want to solve your problems. Even our maid is trying to do this.
And the truth is we need to work it out ourselves. In our own time. And the most helpful thing you can do – not give answers, just give support and understanding.
And if you’re wondering if we are anywhere near a decision… no we’re not. We seem stuck in different opinions. …
Heather, decisions are sometimes hard to make. You have to be careful about who you say certain things to. Some people try to hurt as they pretend to help. Adopt wherever you’d like to, however you’d like, or whomever you’d like, or keep trying if that’s what you’d like to do. I’m now looking into donor eggs, a choice no one could make for me.
Thanks Victoria, and all the best with that!
So true, Heather! Yep, people really want to help, and bless them, but we have to do what’s best for us of course. All the best!
thanks Cindy 🙂