I came across this excellent post (10 Things You Don’t Need for a New Baby) and it made me think about all the unused baby stuff we have around the house. It also got me thinking about what you really need for a baby.
But first I thought I’d comment on her post:
Nicky in his play pen
I agree with her: you don’t need a crib. We did use the camp cot (pack n play for USA) in the begining, but now it really is a play pen. Or a place to keep toys and nappy changing stuff. We don’t even change nappies there anymore – I just do it on the bed.
The baby bath tub we have used a total of – once! In the first week, when my mom was there to help move buckets of water from the bath to the bath tub. Since then of course I know it’s much easier to bring the baby to the bath. I used to lie him on his back for his bath, but now he sits in it and plays.
We also never had a themed nursery (Nicky doesn’t sleep there, it’s just a place for his stuff), baby shoes, swings/boucers, diaper genie, wet wipe warmer, the list goes on.
The only place I would slightly disagree with her is with the breast pump (that expensive one we hired really helped me in the first month, after that my little mini electric does just fine if I need it) and the monitor (I’m kind of two minds about it because sometimes it doesn’t work, but it has been useful on occasion, especially when I’m working during the day and he is napping. Although sometimes he cries louder than the monitor!).
I did get a lot of stuff from my showers, a lot of which is still sitting around. I am still working through all the toiletries.
The things I have really found to be useful to me for Nicholas have been:
1. My half moon cushion – really helps support the baby for breastfeeding.
Wrap – 2 weeks old
Wrap – one year
2. My wrap – great for shopping and walking around.
3. Breast pump – still tops as a backup when he didn’t suck, or when you need to go out and have some milk on hand.
Not to pour cold water on a good shopping trip – and I love retail therapy – but when you have a baby you’ll find they are fascinated with normal objects rather than toys. Nicky has been dragging around a broom, a vacuum cleaner head, CD covers, a container, a book… well, you get the picture.
The point I am trying to make is that babies don’t need STUFF. They need YOU.
What you really need is something that cannot be bought.
1. Acceptance that you are not going to get the sleep you need when you need it. Last night I was so tired putting Nicky to sleep for about an hour. Eventually I had this image of me as an old woman, still trying to get him to sleep. Guess what? In that moment of acceptance that he needed my infinite time and attention to get to sleep, he was lights out.
2. Breastfeeding is going to be hard at first, but if you hang in there for the first three months, it will come right. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. And don’t feel bad if you have to use formula. I did. Do what is right for you and own it. Now we are still breastfeeding like champs and I gave all the formula away. But there were times in the beginning I wasn’t even sure we’d get there.
3. Solids is still a journey I am on. I hope to look back on it and say the same as I said for breastfeeding. Jody from Mut Hut Mama said she was convinced that she would be giving her daughter a bottle of milk at her wedding. So that gives me hope. Today he refused breakfast and lunch and played with my supper. I think something might have gone in but I can’t be sure. The dogs enjoyed it though.
4. You will understand the meaning of being “tied down” with a baby. Your time and your needs need to take a back seat as you focus on this little life. At the same time, you will discover love and joy beyond belief. And as you get smarter, you will figure out how to balance your life with your little one. Putting him in the play pen next to you while you brush your hair. Letting him “cruise” along the bath while you go to the loo. Right now I am letting him unpack some shelves in my desk while I write this post. You have to ensure a win-win situation, being careful that the baby wins.
5. You need to be flexible. Stuff happens. You will have melt downs. Your routine will get messed up. You need to work around life and be creative. Be calm and positive and you will find solutions.
6. Finally, lots of people will tell you what to do and have their own opinions. Smile and nod and do your own thing.
In conclusion: get ready for the ultimate ride: pure joy and pure frustration all mixed up into what we call motherhood. Just remember that this time is so short in comparison to the rest of their lives – treasure the moments for they will soon pass.
PS If you are really looking for practical lists of what you need – here is a guest post on my other blog that you may find useful: Nesting 101 for Expectant Mommy Birds.
I saw a saw a similar list recently and had to laugh… I regularly used just about everything the writer had listed as unnecessary. It really is so subjective based on your own needs – but there are definitely a few things I got at my shower that we have never had any use for.
That’s true…. I have to say I’d never heard of an exersaucer until I read your blog!
I have to agree completely, there is not a lot of things that you have to have for a baby. Some of these lists are scary.
I love this post and you are so right – there are very few material things a baby needs. I think I could have lived without any of it except for the baby carrier – I really did depend on that. The solids will come when Nicky is ready. It was so nice to read what I said about the milk at the wedding – a reminder of how short lived those challenges seem when you have some distance. It’s so nice to be back here and catching up with you and Nicky.
So good to hear from you, Jody. I guess you got your internet time!