This book has come at a good time for me. Although our circumstances are different, I did relate to the heroine of this book – because she is also starting again and also has no clue what she is doing at times. Just changing plans due to life circumstances.
Nell has broken up with her fiance in California and returned to England. She finds that a lot has changed since she has been gone. Her friends are married with kids, seemingly existing in perfect lives. She has to move in with a landlord who is obsessed with electricity consumption and full ice cube trays. (He also seems to have it all sorted out, wife and kids on the weekend, but that is not the case, as we later find out).
She gets a job writing obituaries and meets a widow who turns out to be an amazing friend. Together they embark on a healing journey which includes a trip to Spain to scatter her late husband’s ashes.
I think what’s really important to draw from this book is that everyone has got problems. Nobody has the perfect life. They may be working hard to make you think that they have it all together but in reality they are struggling just as much as you are.
Some classic passages I have to highlight:
“What’s this?”…
“An ice-cube tray,” I replied .
“An empty ice-cube tray!”….
Edward is one of those people for whom filling up an ice-cube tray is a duty not to be shirked. He would never dream of being so slovenly as to shove an empty ice-cube tray back into the freezer, regardless of what else is going on. He does everything in the order that you’re supposed to, whether its the small stuff in life or the big stuff. He grew up, got married, bought a house, had children; he didn’t miss any steps.
Which is why Edward has not found himself at forty-something with his life in a mess. He is not being ghosted and wondering where he went wrong, and drinking gin and tonics straight from the can because there are no ice cubes left, because some useless idiot didn’t fill up the tray. ….
“That ice-cube tray is a metaphor for my life. What did I think was going to happen when I ran out of ice cubes? Huh? Huh?
I think I loved this passage because it’s the simple things that can trip us up. Small little things can just make us fall apart. Yesterday I just saw a shop that sells Playstation games and it just reminded me about all the times Brett used to spend in those shops. And it made me misty eyed.
I haven’t said alot about my attempts to date again but I have been trying and failing miserably. But how else must I survive? I have to keep trying. Brett would want me to be happy. But I sure as anything have not been happy lately. But it’s all a learning experience.
The career is also cooking along slowly. I started that new job but the schedule is pretty empty. The few classes I have been done have gone well though. I am going to keep going and see if things improve or else I have to try again there too.
I have lately come to the conclusion that all these problems are going to find their solution in tiny little steps in the right direction. I just have to keep moving forward. The trick comes in when you have to figure out the direction. This book also had an interesting passage on decision making which I found comforting.
“Sometimes I wonder if maybe it was for the best. I tried and I failed. Maybe deep down I didn’t want it enough. Like you said, not everyone does.”
“True… But is that really you talking? Or is it your grief?”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head.
“And that’s OK,” she says quietly.
“I’m eighty-one years old and I’ve learned that if there’s one gift you can give yourself in life, it’s the freedom and courage to say “I don’t know”. Because I’ll let you into a secret – you don’t have to know. You don’t have to know how you feel, or what you want, or if you’re happy or if you’re sad. Life is full of choices and decisions and there is so much pressure on us to make all the right ones. But what if we don’t? What if we have doubts and misgivings? What if we make mistakes and contradict ourselves? …What if we try our best and fail anyway?”…
“What then? Should we feel bad about ourselves? Why not just accept that we don’t know? Because if you accept that, my dear girl, it will give you such immense freedom. It will allow you to change your mind, to take a different path, to grab opportunities that come your way that you might never have thought of… to be impulsive instead of being stuck, to stop feeling guilty.“
Cricket looks at me, her face imploring.
“To stop feeling scared.”
“Confessions of a Forty Something F##k up” by Alexandra Potter
This sounds like something I could definitely get into!
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