“Loving What Is” is very interesting. It reminded me of that cognitive behavioural, rational emotive therapy stuff – where you check if the thought or the underlying assumption is actually true. That is, it isn’t true that people have to love and accept you all the time. Life is? well.. we know.. not a bed of roses and it is exhausting and stressful to think that it is.
That’s where Byron Katie comes in. She has something called “The Work” which entails writing all your most judgmental thoughts down and then subjecting them to four questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
And
Turn it around.
I think a lot of our suffering here on earth is caused because we want a different reality to what exists. We want people to behave in certain ways. We want to be rich and famous.
Oh and yes. In our infertile case – we want to be pregnant!!
So let’s use the statement: “I will never get pregnant”
1. Is it true? Well, up to now it has been.
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? No, I guess not. It is possible that one day I will be pregnant.
3. How do you react when you think that thought? Sorrow, disappointment, hopeless, lack of energy, in fact it propels me more towards fulfilling that idea..
4. Who would you be without the thought? It seems to be so much a part of my identity now; I guess I have to clear away the old to make way for the new. I would have more peace and hope.
Turn it around: It is possible I will get pregnant. I take responsibility for my negative thoughts and choose to focus on peace rather than lack. Just being completely happy in the moment with whom and how I am right now.
I know this isn’t totally how the book did it but I used the gist of her ideas.
There are some good quotes from this book I want to share with you:
“The left brain weaves its story in order to convince itself and you that it is in full control.. what is so adaptive about having to what amounts to a spin doctor in the left brain”
In other words, a lot of our thinking is detrimental to ourselves.
“What I love about The Work is that it allows you to inside and find your own happiness, to experience what already exists within you, unchanging, immovable, ever-present, ever -waiting. No teacher is necessary. You are the teacher you’ve been waiting for. You are the one who can end your own suffering.”
It’s just like what the witch said to Dorothy about finding her way home with the shoes she had been wearing the whole time. The answer was there all the time.
“It hurts when I argue with reality.”
Yip, that’s true. Much easier (and more peaceful) to accept it.
This was a brilliant quote. I was thinking of all the people that give us their solutions to how to solve our infertility problems:
“That’s their music. We all have our music, honey. If someone says, “come walk on my path, it’s beautiful,” all I hear is that they love me with all their heart and want to give me what they see as beautiful. It just doesn’t always happen to be my way. It’s certainly equal to mine, though. And I love it that their way works for them and brings them happiness. All these ways! There’s no path that’s higher than another. Sooner or later, we begin to notice. The communication for that is “I love it that your way makes you happy. Thank you for wanting to share it with me.”
Well, lots to think about…
The teaching from Byron Katie (” The work” and her books ) has the merit of simplicity and sraight-forwardness.
The concept has been dealt by J Krishnamurti ( the author of ” First and last Freedom”) by the teaching in Buddhism. Using Krishnamurti’s “idea” and the Buddist sutra ( the perfect enlightenment sutra) the result is the same but it takes more time to reach an understanding; but once the person, who is strressed, understands “thoughts are illusion”( or lies. this is what The work points out) the result comes at once, which means right on the spot, like what happens in the youtube videos and the stressed person can finally laugh. All this is in line with a Zen master who said ” since I come to the understanding, I never stoped laughing” . This has also happened to me and my friends before knowing the work.