One Step At a Time

Life after widowhood

  • Home
  • About and Media Kit
  • Contact Me
  • Infertility Survival Guide
  • Tap into Motherhood
  • Fertility
    • Dealing with Emotions
    • Fertility product
    • food
    • Humour
    • Parenting after infertility
    • infertility awareness
    • Natural resources
    • mothers after infertility
  • My Fertility Story
    • summary
    • IUI #1
    • IUI #2
    • Poetry
    • almost IVF
    • TTC#2
  • Pregnancy
    • bump
    • scans
    • complications
    • birth classes
    • birth
    • vitamins
    • spotting
  • Baby
    • baby shower
    • classes
    • breastfeeding
    • birth
    • baby products
    • travelling with baby
    • 6-12 months
    • 3-6 months
  • Toddler
    • development
    • sleep
    • yelling
    • play
    • Weaning
    • toys
    • products
    • tips
    • sick
    • swimming
    • potty training
    • tantrums
    • places in Jhb for kids
    • pets
    • education
  • Party
    • Winnie the Pooh
    • truck and construction
    • trains
    • hot wheels
    • space
  • Books
    • Self help
    • Fertility
    • Parenting
    • kid’s books
  • Coping With Kids
  • Shopping cart
  • FREE Stuff!

Precious Babies

August 3, 2013 by heatherss 6 Comments

“Precoius Babies: Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting after Infertility” by Kate Brian

download (5)Kate Brian is also the author of “The Complete Guide to Female Infertility” and “The Complete Guide to IVF”. I read the IVF book shortly before I thought I would be doing that procedure and it was a very comprehensive read.

She has also experienced her own infertility and has two children from IVF.

Kate uses this comprehensive approach, plus interviews with relevant people to back up her book. She goes through every possible stage of the parenting process, so that it is also a bit “what to expect when you’re expecting” as well. What is different, though, is that every now and then she infuses the infertility perspective in.

She begins with the actual positive pregnancy test. I could relate to this. I definitely had a lot of worry involved in mine, particularly as it was a weak positive at first and the fear did not go away. I think people in the IF community are so used to the negative result that a positive can be uncharted territory. We are so used to failure, that to finally have our dreams come true is a shock.

Although you have “crossed over” to motherhood, a part of you remains behind. You never forget the struggle it took to get there. As one of her examples explains, it wasn’t the procedure that was so awful, it was the waiting. For me this is true. I only had two IUIs, but it was all the time passing, and my depleting fertility that sucked more life out of the situation.

Pregnancy is not the carefree experience it may be for others, and it may not feel real. Birth may also not land up being everything you wanted. As an older mom and as a result of the laparoscopy, I had to settle for a Caesarean. The early days of dealing with a baby are also compounded by the sense of responsibility for this life you have longed for for so long. However, dealing with the ups and downs of infertility only increases your coping skills when dealing with a baby.

I think everyone will have sections that resonate for them, but for me it was about trying again, and the only child. She covers how treatment differs the second time around, especially if you have a kid in tow. Also the issue of when to start trying again needs to be balanced with the needs of your child.

If treatment doesn’t work you need to be prepared for the reality of an only child. Experts say there are positives to the situation (such as economic) although it will be a different experience. You have to deal with your own disappointment, other people’s expectations and your own child wanting a sibling. She also spends time debunking myths e.g. that only children are selfish, lonely or can’t make friends. You do need to make sure that they spend time with friends their own age. I’m really hoping to have another child, but I also like to be prepared for the worst.

She has an interesting section on family life and donor families. She makes the point that you need to be open with your kids about how they were conceived.

Infertility can even affect the teenage years and beyond, if you can think that far ahead. As much as you value your child and enjoy the closeness of the early years, as they grow older you need to learn the art of letting go.

Kate even interviewed children who were conceived using IVF and found it was a non-issue. However she found them to be very grounded individuals who knew they were loved and cherished. At least this is a positive result!

Related Posts via Categories

  • How Infertility has Affected my Parenting
  • Stop Yelling and Start Connecting
  • The Mother of All Meltdowns
  • This book will give you hope.
  • Discipline without Distress
  • Book Review: Nurture Shock
  • Book Review: Ordinary Miracles
  • Book Review: The Fertile Kitchen Cookbook
  • Starting a Series: Mothers After Infertility or Loss
  • How Do You Cultivate a Conscience in Your Child?

Share this post:

Share on X (Twitter)Share on FacebookShare on PinterestShare on LinkedInShare on Email

Comments

comments

Filed Under: books, Fertility, Fertility, Parenting, Parenting, Parenting after infertility

Comments

  1. Jody says

    August 4, 2013 at 6:27 am

    This sounds like such an interesting read. I do find myself wondering if some of how I feel about parenting is related to infertility – particularly the guilt I feel when I get frustrated with my kids.

    Reply
  2. babiesandus says

    August 4, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    I love her last statement. It sounds like a good read!

    Reply
  3. Kasey says

    August 7, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    Sounds like an awesome read. Thank you for the reccomendation!

    Reply
    • Lisa says

      August 22, 2013 at 5:55 pm

      Thanks for the recommendation. I managed to pick it up from the library yesterday and am looking forward to it. I know I was very worried with my second pregnancy after my first loss – and I guess I had every right to be. I aspire to a new positive test.

      Reply
  4. cindy says

    August 28, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Sounds like a good read

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. How Infertility has Affected My Parenting says:
    May 10, 2015 at 6:23 am

    […] Babies” was the title of Kate Walsh’s book about parenting after infertility, but it really seems to sum up the idea of how valuable these children are. They were long fought […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

about-graphic

Subscribe to our Newsletter and get a free printable of the alphabet PLUS my best blog posts.

Follow on Bloglovin’

Follow on Bloglovin

Popular Posts

  • Latest
  • Comments
  • A Trip to Polokwane A Trip to Polokwane
  • Our trip to the USA Our trip to the USA
  • Putting down roots and getting a cat Putting down roots and getting a cat
  • New beginnings and rays of light New beginnings and rays of light
  • My ablation operation My ablation operation
  • Today Week Month All
  • Baby Steps Baby Steps
  • Five Ways Your Toddler Thinks Differently To You Five Ways Your Toddler Thinks Differently To You
  • Oh, The Things I Can Do With Mom’s Plastic Containers Oh, The Things I Can Do With Mom's Plastic Containers
  • What to Put in Your Kid’s Lunch Box What to Put in Your Kid's Lunch Box
  • Infertility’s Survivor Guilt Infertility's Survivor Guilt
Ajax spinner

If you’re serious about getting pregnant…

Mamahood Gauteng Facebook Group

mamahood

My Other Blog

Picture1
malware removal and website security

Copyright © 2025 · Lifestyle Pro Child Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in