4 pillars of healing
Here are four ways to heal: suggestions to help in the emotional minefield of infertility:
Dr. Joe Dispenza, DC interviewed over 170 people from around the world who had baffled their physicians by going into spontaneous remission. His curiosity about healing and the brain led him to discover what these people had in common which he then titled the 4 pillars of health.
I’ve used these along with Alina Frank’s tips to give the infertility angle here.
- Belief in a higher power and willingness to ask for help. (Not necessarily God but some presence that was real to them).
This might be tough when you feel like God has let you down and hasn’t answered your prayers. I know that there have been times I have sat at that rail in church really down, feel like I am always asking the same stuff.
Despite evidence to the contrary, I believe God is still out there. But I think my prayers have changed from “Please give me a baby, like, now!!” to “Please help me handle this whole situation and bring us the best outcome for the greatest good. I trust in the process.”
You could say (for EFT tapping) “Even though I feel God has let me down and not given me the baby I want (yet), I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I just feel so angry with God for not answering me, I deeply and completely love and accept what is going on here. Even though I feel like I’ve lost my faith, I deeply and completely acknowledge there is something larger at work here, even though I don’t understand it.”
For positive choice: “Even though I have all this anger against God, I’m choosing to allow Him to take over and help me. I can’t do it on my own strength anymore.”
2. Take Responsibility. This doesn’t mean blaming yourself or feeling guilty for what has happened. It just means stop blaming other people for what has happened. You could be feeling angry at that doctor who said something nasty to you (“You’re too old”) Also the constant unhelpful comments people make and the way people are always offering their solutions (“Have you thought about adoption? My sister/ friend / cousin did…. (fill in the blank) and it worked, you should try that..)
“Even though I’m angry at all those people who think they know better than me about my own personal situation, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I feel like carrying all this anger against other people instead of focusing on my own healing, I deeply love and accept my need to do that. Even though I just get so angry just thinking about all those pregnant women out there with their baby bumps with all their answers, I deeply and completely love and accept my need to hate them.”
Positive choice: “Even though I just feel like blaming the world for our infertility, I’m choosing to take back my power, and do what I can, day by day.”
3. Rehearse Your New Reality
I think this is the hardest thing to do. I have really been battling with this. As much as I have this day dream of a baby all the time, and acknowledge the power of visualisation, a part of me just hates the whole idea. I mean, why picture this baby when a part of me says that it aint gonna happen, and why must I get my hopes up? Is this torture or what? I mean the times when I really feel the tears coming is when the hope creeps in. And then you tell yourself not to hope. So it can become a vicious circle.
So the first thing to do would be to say “Even though I don’t even know if rehearsing my new reality is such a good idea even if I don’t like getting my hopes up, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though it is hard for me to get into the right frame of mind to do this, I deeply love and accept my hesitation. Even though I still resist imagining my dreams, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Positive choice: “Even though I have this conflict about visualisation, I’m choosing to find solutions here that are right for me. I’ll find the pictures of my future that suits me. And when I am ready, I’ll put those circle bloom mp3s on. I’ll visualise all my hormones working in harmony, just as they should. I’ll imagine my body getting itself all ready for the new baby. I’ll imagine being pregnant with a child. I’ll imagine myself finding a way to have a child, even if it means adoption. I’ll imagine the solution just coming as it should. And even if it doesn’t, I visualise peace with whatever outcome comes my way.”
(Get your circle bloom mp3s here: http://goo.gl/CiED)
(By the way I just started using them (the proper set, not the freebie download I had before). Very relaxing stuff. Joanne has a soothing voice and she gently negotiates these very stormy waters of infertility. Thanks Joanne!)
4. Make healing your number one priority.
If you have to ditch sugar and caffine, you have to do it. If you have to spend money and take injections to do it, you have to do it. Whatever it is you need to do, however uncomfortable and difficult, make a plan. I had a six month plan this past year (diet, homeopath, acupuncture, vitamins the works) culminating in an IUI procedure in July. So what if it didn’t work, I just have to move on to the next plan. But we will find a way!
“Even though it is really hard to give up my favourite foods and commit money to this project, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though at times I just want to give up, I deeply and completely love myself and this long hard journey that I am on. Even though sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it, I love and accept myself and the process.
Positive choice: “Even though this is hard, I’m choosing to love and cherish myself. I’m choosing to heal myself, and love and accept whatever direction that may take me. And that’s ok.”
Now breathe!!
Hi Heather, stunning post and I love your new blog! Well done!