Eulogy for Brett Step

Brett passed away on 10 October 2018. The funeral took place a week later. This is the eulogy I read in celebration of his life.

Brett always told me that if anything ever happened to him, I could have his TVs. The irony is I don’t know how to work his TVs. I don’t know how to do life without Brett. But I know he is looking down on us today and I feel very blessed to have had him in my life for the time that I did.

It’s impossible to sum up everything Brett was to me in this time, so I’m just going to mention a few things that stood out for me about him. He was my friend, he was my husband, he was my protector, he was an amazing father and he was just that one person I could come home to at the end of the day and tell all my troubles to.

He made me laugh.

One of the first things that attracted Brett to me was that he really made me laugh. I would spend many hours on the internet when I first met him, typing away to him and having a good giggle. He thought it was hilarious back then that he convinced me that he had a blow up doll called Huffy Puffy. Which all the time was his continental pillow. He loved to spin me long stories and then laugh at the end and tell me it was all a joke. And tell me how gullible I was.

Brett particularly enjoyed bathroom humour which he has passed on to Nicky. He loved Nicky to pull a finger and fart. To this day Nicky likes to run up to me and fart.  Bad habits he learnt from dad. But he thinks it’s so funny.

He wrote me poems

The thing that really convinced me that Brett was the one for me was when he wrote me some amazing romantic poems. You didn’t know this about him, did you? But he was a big romantic.

He wrote all about love and what it meant.

Then he wrote a long personalized poem for me, detailing every life stage we would go through and how he would be there for me, through meeting me at the airport for the first time, romantic moments together, our wedding, having a child, having a teenager in the house and growing old together. Then I knew that this was the man I wanted to marry.

When Brett had his stroke, I actually brought this poem into the hospital with me and read it to him again. I reminded him that his life was not finished yet. That he had promised me a long life with all these stages as he outlined in the poem. I was angry and frustrated.

One of the times I was sitting in that hospital room with him, we weren’t doing anything and I was just staring at him. And then I felt the presence of an angel in that room with me, and I started having a long intense conversation with him, pouring out my heart and my frustrations. He said that God would pull me out of this situation into a more stable place. I would get through and I would recover. And then I asked “What about Brett?” I had this image of a rainbow along a timeline that was coming to an end. That Brett’s life was coming to an end. But it was a beautiful, colourful life. There was a lot of stuff along that line and a sense of a well lived, happy life.

I think the thing I took away from this experience was that the promises of man are full of frailty, but you can rely on the promises of God.

 

He loved his family.

Brett dedicated family time every Saturday where we would go out for breakfast and spend time together. It was our tradition. I’ll always be grateful that he gave us those experiences and he spoilt Nicky with lots of expensive toys. He really wanted to give us fun times and let Nicky enjoy himself too.

The other thing he liked to do with Nicky was play computer games on the Xbox and Play Station. Nicky loved playing with dad and Brett used to set him up to play racing games, loop de loop games and all sorts. This worked out really well on weekend mornings when I wanted to sleep in.

Brett used to read stories to Nicky but his were always the funny versions not on the page. He would make Nicky laugh and laugh. He would personalize them using family members and the dogs too.

I think this is the hardest part of not having Brett around to watch Nicky grow up. I will really miss him being the father Nicky needed.

He was protective

Brett would always make sure that the alarm was on and the gate was closed. He would be furious if I made errors here. It was very important to him that we were safe. I still feel him in my head the other night trying to get the toast out the toaster: “Unplug the toaster, don’t be crazy and electrocute yourself!” He was also a stickler for hygiene and washing all food items.

He kept me in check

Something special about a marriage is that you have someone to be accountable to and will check you when you go off on the wrong track. Brett used to edit my blog posts and would often give me the feedback: I really don’t like this post, you need to change it. This happened when I wrote about Nicky’s party and the fact that it overlapped with some other people who had their party beforehand. He told me it wasn’t necessary to write about that negative part, rather focus on the good times we had. So I changed it.

 

I think the enduring image I have of Brett is someone munching happily away on some food, reading his phone and enjoying himself. He had a colourful life and I was privileged to be a part of it. Most of all I am grateful for the the most precious gift he gave me, which was Nicky.

 

A Word of Thanks:

My mom – who has dropped everything to be with me. She has been carrying me for the past few months and helping me in a million ways. I haven’t washed any dishes. She has bought the groceries. She has started sorting out the house.

Family – Emotional support from Brett’s family. Just being a phone call or a Whatsapp away. They just know how it feels.

Julia and my work – Julia you have been my friend through all of this. You have listened to me every day. You have supported me and given me time off when I needed it. Thank you. Thank you to the parents who have also supported me and filled my fridge.

Nicky’s school and Teacher Hilary. Can’t actually begin to thank Teacher Hilary enough. She was there on the Sunday when it happened. She organized food super quick. She offered to take Nicky to his eye appointments. She has just been there the whole time checking if I needed anything.

Church friends – have been amazing. I think particularly of Lyn and providing accommodation and also Gina who is now doing the same. There were lots of friends who have helped me with playdates for Nicky while I went to hospital. I just have so many friends who have just helped me and I am so grateful. Lauren also thanks for doing the music today with your incredible gift of music. And also thanks for sending me inspirational songs during this time of being in hospital.

Ezee-Dex and Julia – thanks for the support and filling out all that paperwork for me. I think you are going to have to keep helping me with more paperwork. Thank you for all the support and also to the Ezee-Dex people who have phoned and visited. You guys have opened your hearts and helped me so much, especially you, Sean, with the message today, it’s much appreciated.

Blogging friends – thanks for the support, the messages, the deliveries and the money! It is much appreciated.

 

 

 

 

 

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