I was looking at Google Images before I started this post for the right picture to describe what I wanted to say. I found this one: a picture of an angel sprinkling little stars down below. Right on top of me, as it happens.
You might think I’ve gone slightly mad. But these are my experiences, which I haven’t really shared before.
Sometimes I really do hear from “the other side”. It could be my instinct. It could be my gut. It could just be my over-active imagination. But I’d like to believe it is God talking to me. Or a little angel giving me a supportive nudge in the right direction.
This year I’ve been particularly aware of this presence helping me, when I normally forget vital things, especially when going to the gym.
I’m very grateful for this.
I still have my moments of forgetting. Last week I locked my keys in my car. Brilliant, hey. But these events tend to happen when my vibration is low, I am down or I am distracted and not present in the now. But I still have resources. That’s why I pay the AA. For moments like these. And believe me; I’m grateful for that membership.
When my aunt died I really had this feeling of her presence that night when I went to bed. She was unexpectedly killed in a car crash which was pretty devastating for our family, particularly for my cousins and her husband (my uncle who gets to spend quality time with Mily and Coffee every time we go away). Anyway I distinctly felt her apologizing for not finishing my wedding dress. I tried to convey that it was fine. And it was. My mom managed to finish the dress. It was a beautiful reminder of her presence that I got to wear that dress. And incidentally, she had to wait a long time before she had my cousins. So she is no stranger to infertility.
Well I experienced something like a presence again this year. Actually it was right at the beginning of the year. The time of New Year’s resolutions and wonderings about what the year will bring. I was in a room by myself. And I really felt this presence of someone trying to tell me something. In fact they were very excited. Jumping up and down like my dog, Coffee, with excitement.
I tried to ask: “What are you so excited about? Is it money?” (I live in hope that my finances will improve, especially with all the fertility expenses).
The presence/ angel gave me an uncertain vibe. Kind of like “Well, yes, not exactly but…” as if that wasn’t what he was excited about.
Ok let me really go out on a limb here. “Is it about having a baby?” I got a very positive vibe. More jumping up and down. Ok. That’s good to know. I don’t necessarily believe this, but it’s nice to think about.
But there was a cautionary message as well. There would be some physical problem in the middle of the year. This message is something that has been coming at me throughout the year. In fact I’ve actually had this image in my head of a white body and red opening. I really thought I was going to have a car accident in June. I have been driving super carefully.
But now, this evening, while walking to Pick n Pay for our weekly grocery shop, it hit me. This red image I’ve been having is the cyst. And the operation coming up. Maybe this is the message I have been getting. And just maybe there is still hope for a pregnancy this year. I really, really doubt it (after last year’s disappointment) but if one thing can come true, maybe another one can.
And I’ve been getting another image. Quite strongly this week. It doesn’t really make sense. It is almost like a patchwork, streaks, (with my favourite colour purple in it) but this feeling that I am going to exactly get the baby I want.
I have this feeling of relief, like something greater is at work here, designing this wonderful family for us. God is in control.
Today I went to Ampath and the vampire nurse drew a lot of blood from me for nine (YES NINE!) blood tests. Surely the doc can find a reason between the bloods and the lap and help me. I’m sure he can.
And I have been thinking about all the positive things about this operation:
- If my mom comes it will be a great thing to have her around
- The medical aid covers it! Woo-hoo!(unlike all other infertility procedures)
- I get all cleaned up from cysts or whatever else might be down there
- We might get some answers and a plan to help me get pregnant!
So, I’ve gotten over the initial shock and now I’m trying to look at the positives about this situation. Looking for the hand of God and the Angels working their way through my life. And designing something pretty spectacular.
I love this post! Hoping that all your messages from above keep coming in loud and clear!
I also felt my dad around me after he passed away. I even smelled him, on two seperate occasions. Once the morning of his death, when we were at the funeral home it was like he was hanging around me to make sure that we cremate him as he wanted and not bury him like my mom wanted. No one else smelled him except for me, I remember it was driving me nuts. And once in the middle of the night just before my Lap etc last year.
Wow what an amazing exprience..
I do believe in these things. Call it faith, god or just plain hope, but signs can be very comforting in difficult times. And that’s really what matters. Hope you get all your answers this year.
Thank you ladies for your encouraging comments.
Hey there –
I was commenting on Elphaba’s blog and saw your comment – I am from South Africa too – I grew up in Durban and then moved to Johannesburg before moving here to the USA!
This is a great post!!! Absolutely loved it! 🙂
This was a beautiful post. I definitely believe in a greater power out there and that we can communicate with it, and it can communicate with us, when we’re open to it and need it. Yesterday I was out on a boat in the ocean and could see a storm in the distance. I saw lightening strike a few times. It was really beautiful and all I kept thinking was that it was somehow a sign from God. Interestingly, I ended up getting in a huge fight with my husband that afternoon. But after that storm settled we both had this calm about us and were connected even more strongly than before. I really love when these things happen.
I hope you’re signs for a baby keep coming (and the baby too)!
Thanks, Sherrie! Good to meet you!
Thank you K for your beautiful words. I guess we go through storms and calms in life. I do too.
My sister and I definitely felt our mom near us soon after she died. It was a crazy experience, but it was good for the two of us.
Good luck with your upcoming lap surgery.
(ICLW)