Yesterday I completely lost it with my child. Yes, it was over potty training. After being so good the previous day and using the big toilet, he pooped in his pants. I was just angry. How can he be so good and we are back to square one the very next day? I was so frustrated and angry as I did all the cleaning up it took me a while to calm down and say sorry to him.
Sorry that I lost my temper.
Sorry that I expect you to grow up all at once.
Sorry that I expect things to go smoothly: that I expect you to learn this thing immediately.
Sorry that I get frustrated cleaning up the sh** life throws at me, that I expect it all to be clean and neat. When in reality life is messy, confusing and it takes time for me to learn something, just like you.
***
I’ve written about toddler tantrums before, and I think we accept that tantrums are part and parcel of this time, that little brains are still developing and can’t process emotions like we can.
What is really humbling through, is that as adults we are every bit as vulnerable to loosing our tempers. We shouldn’t, but we do. And how terrifying would it be for a little kid to see Mom yelling and losing it, when we are meant to be the role models regulating our emotions?
So I’ve put together some pointers for a Mommy Meltdown: when you feel yourself losing it, follow these pointers, maybe you’ll have more success than me.
1) Breathe. Count. Pray. Exit. Give yourself space – if you need to leave the room to calm down, do it. If you need to distract yourself with something else e.g. a book or your phone, do it. Just give yourself the space you need to calm down.
2) Change your expectations. A lot of my problems are because I am incorrectly assuming things about my son’s ability at this age. Yesterday I woke him up from his nap for swimming. Big mistake. All he wanted to do was sleep and I actually had to go home. Should I really be expecting perfection with potty training? Probably not.
3) Track your triggers. I wrote a post about the Orange Rhino project before and how I drew up a chart and tracked what was making me mad. I found out that the later in the day it was, the more I was losing it. This helped for structuring my day (e.g. cooking in the morning).
4) Me time. This is the most important. I went away for most of Saturday for the SA Mom blog relaunch. I came back and I had so much more energy to give to him!
5) Don’t lose it, use it. Anger can be an opportunity to see why you are getting so upset. Chat to another mom, have a vent, figure out why this is bothering you so much. Often there is a connection to yourself. I have recently been so irritated with Nicky’s clingy behaviour but it has also opened me up to my own helicopter parenting tendencies.
6) Apologise: Even if we do lose it, it’s a chance for us to show our kids that we do make mistakes and we are capable of saying sorry. In the same way we expect them to say sorry too.
If you’re having a mommy meltdown, take heart: you are not the only one. Just remember to learn from it so that you can do better than a tantrum toddler next time!
Potty training really does challenge everything doesn’t it!! Sorry this happened.
It is hard but we are all only human and getting angry is part of life.
Oh Heather – I had one this morning – but it is from complete tiredness and way too much going on. To top it all it was against the girlchild that is possibly even more tired and more stressed. I need more me -time!
ah yes I think you do…
Ah, the Mommy Meltdown, I can relate! So sorry you had to go through that. Potty training is more stressful than it’s given credit for especially if life still has to go on and it’s already a speeding train.
ah thanks Celeste. 🙂
Its’ so tough, this potty training thing. Sorry you had to experience that. What’s important is that you apologized and realized what was happening. You learn a little more each time. Hang in there.
Great tips! I often have mommy meltdowns and sometimes my son thinks it’s hilarious. At least I think it shows him that even adults have intense emotional reactions and it’s okay 😊
Love this post! Sending you lots of hugs. Potty training can be a nightmare, Kitana did the same too…
Great post Heather! Potty training is really frustrating- it will get better, I promise!
thanks Maz!
Ha ha ha ha funny but not funny at all. We have kind of started potty training and some times she gets it other times not. Yesterday was one day she didn’t she said she wanted potty and proceeded to make a pee. And once she pees she gets up. Less than 2 mins later she proceed to make a poo (in the kitchen) thankfully I saw the funny side of it and proceeded to scrub the kitchen floor 🙂 🙂
Ah no that’s disgusting. I have already had one poop in pants this morning.