I wonder when it will happen. At some point in the future, Nicky is going to ask that awkward question: “Where do babies come from?” He’s also going to grow up into a teenager, with hormones and feelings. These are all issues coming up in our future that we will have to deal with.
I’ve been thinking about how to write this post from the point of view of a baby or toddler. You may think these issues are far removed from the present, but the truth is that we are building a relationship today that will determine how free he will feel in the future to open up to me about these issues.
You see, it all starts when they are actually quite small. In responding to your baby’s needs now, you are building up trust for the future. In making time to connect with your child every day, you are building a solid base to which they can return.
I chat to Nicky about lots of stuff. I tell him when I mess up and that I’m sorry that I yelled at him. I think it’s important to accept responsibility in any situation and then move on. I talk about other ways of dealing with his problems e.g. not throwing things when they don’t do what you want them to do.
I know I have a lot of work to do regulating my own emotions, and I need to be a calm sounding board for him, so that he knows he can come to me with any problem. I think giving time to myself is key so that I do have lots of energy and empathy left over for him.
One of the biggest concerns many parents have in this area is how to keep your child safe from abuse, so I thought I’d draw up some tips:
1) Books. There are lots of books out there on how babies are made. I actually bought something like this for a teenage child at one of those book sale places.
2) Your private parts are private. Teach your child about how the parts under their underwear are their own, and not for anyone else. If anyone else wants to see them, tell an adult straight away. They are also not to touch anyone else’s.
3) NO secrets: If anyone asks to keep something a secret, say “We don’t have secrets in our family.” Or “We have surprises, not secrets.”
4) Reflect all feelings: They must know that good and bad feelings are acceptable and acknowledged.
5) Encourage your child to trust their instincts: If something doesn’t feel right: get away and tell your parents.
6) Another cool thing your child can do is visit this website: CONNECT-ED Buddy: (you’ll see it’s a mobile one, very useful for teens) run in conjunction with Durex and the Department of Education. CONNECT-ED Buddy offers pupils the chance to anonymously ask and obtain answers to some of the questions they have around sex.
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All these tips are all very well and good, but do they actually help you when you’re sitting down with the awkward questions?
I’ve got some questions for you and you can win a prize for contributing your answer. You have until 7 September to submit your questions. One lucky winner will receive a “Birds and Bees toolkit” worth R1000.
The questions will be answered by the CONNECT-ED Buddy.
The questions are:
I want to know, what worries you the most when it comes to your child’s sexual education? What would your top questions be in regards to:
- Talking to your children about sex;
- Questions you are scared to ask your children when it comes to sex;
- The details of their sexual activities; and
- Communicating your concerns around sex, etc.
So, what are you waiting for? Share your questions in the comments below about your child’s sexual education and win a really cool prize!
(This post was sponsored by Durex.)
We recently had a baby girl and we got our other daughters the book what’s in mommies tummy but since then the oldest (10) has been asking alot of questions. (We think she knows more that she is saying). Do we answer her questions straight and truthfully? Or do we continue with the “birds and the bees” references? And when is a good time to have “the talk”? We were waiting for when she started her period, but she asks so many questions
I would like to approach the subject of sexual education with my oldest Son (17), but what concerns me is that he will most certainly then discuss it with my younger son (14) How much or how little information do i share at this stage, and how much should they both know at their respective ages?
I would like to know when do you start teaching children about sex education? From what age do they need to be aware of such things, obviously not a full sex education lesson.
The other thing I would love to teach my child is that sex is and can be a wonderful thing at the right age, time and with the right person. How do you teach them that they can enjoy sex when it is appropriate but that it’s not dirty, to be hidden so that when they have sex it’s an enjoyable normal part of life.
How do you even broach a proper sex education talk when they are older and how much information do you give them without them being misinformed from what they learn at school?
I have been talking about sex openly, honestly and in an age appropriate manner with my children since my eldest was six, he is now thirteen. I do get a lot of raised eyebrows when I mention I encourage my children to masturbate and explore their bodies and related feelings in the privacy of their own rooms. Is this really still taboo in 2015? Am I the only parent who thinks it is normal and healthy?
How do I explain to my 14 year old daughter what oral sex is? I cannot even think of how to explain it and why it is done.
I’m wondering at what age you need to start teaching your child about sex and how much detail to share at different stages of growing up… I appreciate the tips you shared on protecting your children because child abuse is a very real danger which I am so fearful of.
My son and I have a fairly open relationship and have been discussing sex and body image issues since he was about 6 (when his little sister was born), but still I feel like its not enough, and that he is getting lots of incorrect info at school/from friends.My son (10) tends to ask questions at the most inopportune moments, how do I temporarily appease him, until we can discuss it better? Also do you think this is even a good idea, should I not answer immediately (even if we are at a mall) ?