Every parenting problem is like a complex puzzle that has to be solved. Sleep, for me, has become one of those intricate mysteries I am working on. I’m trying to be more observant about what is causing the problems this week and working out some conclusions to the problem. So I’ve come up with some more thoughts on sleep.
My last post about sleep was actually meant to be more of something to make you laugh (even though lack of sleep can make you cry, I’d rather laugh). But one of the comments got to me. It implied that I let Nicky do exactly what he wanted to do and that I shouldn’t be feeding him food at night.
First of all, Nicky is not in control. There are rules and boundaries. Trust me, so many times he says “no bath” or “no sleep” and we do it anyway.
Secondly, if my tired kid has fallen asleep in the car (say, after swimming) and missed supper, I am not about to wake him up from a deep sleep. I would just have a tantrum kid on my hands who would not want food. And I’m not going to deny him food when he wants it later if he missed his meal. It’s not like this happens all the time.
I guess everyone has their reasons for their decisions and for me, those are what is going to work for me.
However, that comment really got to me and I started examining everything I was doing in connection to the sleep process. I tried to be more conscious about it and make more of an effort to make things work. I moved the biscuits and the juice out of the bedroom.
I’m happy to say the first four nights of this week went really well. We managed to sync our sleeping. I slept with Nicky. It may not work for everyone the way we do it but to have our deep sleep at the same time is the best for us.
The only thing I noticed that was a disruption was the dog. He scratched on the door in the early hours and I just ignored him. I figured, letting him out was going to be a process of waking myself up and it would badly affect our sleep. So this time, Milo, you just have to suck it up (his water bowl was empty but I made sure it was full the next night). When he scratched on the door at 6am that was okay, I let him out.
I was just thinking how well things were going when last night happened. I guess it is just God’s way of humbling me. I think this is something else I am trying to do: to see the spiritual behind the problems. I have been reading “surprised by motherhood” by Lisa Jo Baker who blogs here, and it has been a good thing for me to be reading right now. (Got it at the Mandela Square closing down sale of Exclusive Books! They are still open till August!) This is just an opportunity to grow closer to my son by examining the problem more carefully.
On Thursday we had a fabulous morning out with our mom’s group and he came back exhausted and had a nap easily. It was a nice early nap at 12:30 so he woke up at 2:30. Fabulous! I’m going to have two set times to myself! (Lately it has only been one – either the nap or the evening).
It was really nice that he went to bed early and I savoured the time by getting a lot of things done.
But I paid for it at 3am.
Yip, Nicky was up and at ’em and asking for food.
I really tried to say no to the biccy.
I did.
I offered him yoghurt.
A decisive no.
In the end I just could not do it. I was tired. I was thinking, why am I doing this? The kid is hungry.
I was weak. I gave him the biccy. Peace at last. For a while.
I was so angry with myself for doing this I retreated to the far side of the bed while Nicky happily crunched his biccy. Then he wanted boob so I reluctantly went back.
We reconnected. There was peace.
I was hopeful for sleep.
It was not to be.
I have realised no matter what you do, it seems if Nicky is awake like this at night it will take two hours to get him back to sleep.
I told him how cranky we were going to be for the next day’s shopping. It would be so yukky.
Nicky started saying “Yukky” which reminded him about the yoghurt.
What the hell, I thought. Let’s have yoghurt.
It was during this time I started wondering why on earth it was that we often have such bad nights on Thursdays so that we have such a bad time with the shopping trip. I wondered about the food on Thursday nights. Perhaps he doesn’t like rice and sausage? Perhaps I should be giving him two minute noodles as well? (He loves noodles) If he was waking up for food maybe I should make sure he had more than his fill at night.
Such thoughts were little consolation at 5am when I was crying, desperate for sleep. But they are inspiration for me to make a better plan for the future.
In the end he bumped his head and cried and that’s what made him sleep in the end. Poor little bear…
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In conclusion I have decided to try and be more observant about the surrounding circumstances of sleep as try and get better and better to give us both a good night’s rest.
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By the way, do you like my new header? It is the work of the talented Andrea Barras, who has also made over our logo over at SA Mom Blogs. I just love all the purple flowers – it seems to express my personality so well.
Remember when I was Survive and Thrive? Searching for the positive in a flower?
Then I became a mom, with a kid on my hip, but the flowers were still twirling around, and joined by a footprint,in reference to this process of taking motherhood one step at a time, and still stopping to appreciate the flowers.
Well, now, I’m appreciating the steps and the flowers even more, appreciating the growth and the beauty that life brings.
I hope I’ll always be a student of this life, learning from my miracle son and the lessons he gives me, and that I will be open to understanding them better through God’s grace.
I say do what works for you. In our house we let our child sleep in bed with us. Everyone sleeps better for it. He is more likely to fall back to sleep on his own with us all in the same bed.
We have always had a strict bedtime routine. It works well and we rarely have problems getting out one to sleep. On the snacks: it is difficult to say no when you think he might actually be hungry and I think the solution was to satisfy myself he would not be hungry, but just waking out of habit. I try to ensure that afternoon snacks and dinner where denser type food. Avocado, full fat cheese, custard, yoghurt. That kind of thing.
It sounds like the early morning requests for snacks is just a habit. We all do it, not just Nicky. Gently try to break the habit?
Also, if his day time naps are not constant, it it’s going to be crazy difficult to make bedtime constant.
At the end of the day, he will sleep and you will sleep, and there is no need to be military if that is not your parenting style. Take it as it comes and remember you are a great mom.
Thanks for the encouragement! Have been trying to tank him up at night now with lots of food!
I’ve always believed in do what works for you!! We have late sleep times but K sleeps through the night and that works well for us because I work long hours anyway and if she went to bed earlier it would mean I don’t get to see my child most days.
The one thing I’ve tried to avoid doing is giving K food on the few times she wakes up during the night, too scared to get into that habit! And I think now she knows no food until morning so even when she wakes up she doesn’t get anything just a cuddle and back to bed. As I know first hand I was that child who used to refuse dinner but wake up every night without fail to have a bowl of cereal until I was 5 or 6!!!
yes I’m really trying now not to give biscuits at night and give him lots of food before he goes to sleep…