I’ve been inspired by Cindy Alfino, who has successfully run series on her blog on “I’m a Mom With Tattoos” and more recently “Behind the Scenes of a Mixed Race Family”. I thought, why not do a series myself? Of course, I don’t think I’ll manage to do this every week; I’m going to more realistically aim for once a month; but I’d like to build up a resource of moms who have been through infertility or loss and can share their stories and advice.
If you’d like to take part all you have to do is:
- Answer the questions below.
- Send me a fabulous picture (or more) of yourself and/or your family.
- Send me your links to any blog or social media you have.
The questions are:
- About Me: Tell us some background about yourself, if you work, and what your interests and passions are.
- About Us: How did you meet your partner? Give us the love story.
- About Infertility: Tell us your infertility (or loss) story. It can be as brief or as long as you feel comfortable sharing.
- About My Family: Tell us about your family and about your child(ren).
- How has infertility affected your parenting?
- How do you find it affecting your life, even now?
- My Advice: What is your advice for those still in the trenches of infertility, or for those trying again?
Well, that’s it, folks! If you’d like to participate, email me: email@example.com, with your answers, pic and links.
I thought I’d start the ball rolling by answering my own questions…
- About Me:
After I finished matric I went to Rhodes to study journalism. I didn’t make it into Journ 2, but I discovered Psychology and enjoyed that and English a lot. I got as far as Psych Honours, and after spending a lot of time with kids in various activities, including holiday clubs, Camp America in Pennsylvania and teaching English as a Second Language in Taiwan, I was inspired to do a Montessori diploma and become a teacher. I spent eight years teaching (half preschool and half Grade 1) before having my own kid.
I think I’ve come full circle as a stay at home mom, because now I use my studies and experiences on my kid and I write about them. I guess I’m a kind of an online journalist of sorts – I enjoy writing. My dream is to make blogging a career and help others do the same – that’s why I’ve founded SA Mom Blogs.
- About Us:
I met my Dear Husband on the internet.
I was working in Taiwan and we chatted for seven months on the internet. He also used to phone me. (He had to take out a loan at one point to pay his phone bill!)
Within weeks I knew this guy was The One. Before I met him in person I had already arranged to move up my furniture. I moved to Joburg and we were married a year later in December 2003.
I remember the night he proposed. We went to the Broadwalk in PE (holidaying with my parents) and he took me out to supper. We went for dinner and movies. He was so nervous. (The movie was Tolkien’s “The Ring”!) It was New Year’s Eve and as the fireworks exploded around us he did go down on one knee. He made a big deal of asking me everything else that started with an “m” before he asked my hand in marriage. To this day, I will say the thing that most attracted me to him, and that keeps us going through all the bad times, is his sense of humour.
I’m glad I said yes that day.
- About Infertility:
I’ve already written my full story here.
The shorter version is this:
It was five long years. We started off in 2007 with an awful gynaecologist who quite frankly put me off treatment.
I took a bit of a break and did a lot of research after that. I went to a homeopath and listened to talks at an online fertility conference. I came away with better knowledge and tools.
In 2010 we went to our second doctor who was an improvement, but still no dice. The failure was worse because I invested more time and effort into other things such as acupuncture and diet.
In 2011 we went to Medfem and they were able to identify that I had internal (endometriosis) problems, plus antibodies and thyroid conditions. After an operation and medication I was able to conceive.
To this day I am so grateful to them and to God for my miracle child.
- About My Family:
- How Infertility Has Affected My Parenting:
I’ve actually written a post about this here.
Essentially I’ll say that having been through the bad, I can value the good. It has also made me paranoid that something bad will happen to my child, (When will the other shoe drop? What’s the catch to this blessing?), but I try to ignore those bad thoughts and focus on enjoying the present with my child.
- Infertility and My Life:
I’ve written a post about how infertility has empowered me here. I think there are a lot of positives on how it can make you stronger, how determined it can make you, and how much it can teach you about yourself. It is also a marital strain and it is a credit to us that we have pulled through it.
There are a lot of negatives too, and I know that the scars will always be there. Infertility does not end with a live birth: it continues throughout your life: through every cycle, though every pregnancy announcement, through every story of another woman’s struggle or no struggle: I will always carry it with me. Yes, my child has healed me a lot, but it lingers like a bad dream.
My challenge is to live in the moment and be thankful for what I have.
- My Advice:
It’s hard, but don’t compare your journey with another. You don’t know that your own family is in God’s hands and that he has the perfect idea of what your family is going to look like. You may have your own ideas of how that should happen, but the bigger picture is past our human understanding.
My practical advice: go to the best fertility clinic first. Don’t waste time with bad doctors. You may be surprised that you may not need to go the expensive route to get what you want.